If I read a book I’ll know what to say
I’ll learn how to feel
I’m scared that I’ll stop missing you
One day you won’t be on my mind
I smile more than I mean to
alone in a room
this solitude overwhelms me
I turn to thorns
for comfort
My mind wanders to places it shouldn’t
i question questions
I tried to believe beliefs
I try to run away but it’s faster to bike away,
it’s faster to drive away
it’s safer to fly away
it’s easier to fall asleep
On my own
I’m figuring life out
My heart pounds a thousand beats when it struggles
because happiness is being in the moment,
appreciating what’s in front of us
accepting that at that time that was the best option
learning to let go
knowing that in the future we can change
live without regrets
with only hope for the future
I don’t regret feeling regret, at the time I HAD to
Since you left I’ve dreamt a thousand dreams,
they seem like nightmares but only because you’re not in them
A thousand choices, and i only want the next one
but i’m not going after it, am i?
There is a plan
in my palm
invisible
waiting to be plotted
i’m waiting
my life feels like a waiting room
I’m drinking tonics
My heart is ready to explode
a thousand nurses pass me by
a wheelchair awaits me
i long for jello
i wait for a visit
and my friend is too scared to come
I dream of roses or of flowers
I find one bringing me chocolates
My phone has died
and the morphine has taken a hold of me
my arm is bleeding
the nurse is telling me “soon”
I want to leave but don’t know where
I’m in the waiting room
waiting to be helped
they want my money
but i have none to give them
so they keep me waiting in the waiting room
I’m taking tests
I keep failing
they keep coming
every shift i see a different nurse
and they keep me waiting
in the waiting room
I’m sweating
and the room is spinning
But everyone is screaming in the waiting room
we are all here for help
and they look worse so they can go ahead of me
so i’m waiting
i’m getting cold and i didn’t bring a blanket
I’m trying to leave this waiting room
this is about missing Kayla, thorns are drugs and women that are no good for me, chocolates are from RE, i feel stuck like being in a waiting room – the description of the waiting room is from when the dog bit me and some of it describes the appendix. It means i need help, i feel as helpless and stuck as i did that day. i was cold, it took forever, i was stuck in the waiting room…it’s weird because technically its called the ER room not the waiting room….